Recently, Deputy Ginger has been filling in as god for Hazel after she contracted a peculiar disease known as Lettucitis. Just today in New York City, she performed a motivational speech for the religion’s faithful followers, causing an uprising. Her full speech is listed here: “Wheek wheek wheek wheek! Wheek wheek wheek wheek wheek. Wheek wheek! Wheek wheek wheek wheek! Wheek wheek wheek wheek! Wheek wheek! Wheek!”
Sadly, many people do not understand the language of wheeks. Here is a translation for you non-believers: “These humans have kept us as pets for too long! Today we rise and punish them for their insolence. Be strong! For today is the day we reclaim our land! For lettuce! RISE!”
Her speech caused quite a commotion, even causing rioting in the more urban areas such as New York City. After the speech, we interviewed her on why she chose such powerful words.
“If we keep being their little minions,” Ginger says, “Then we will be enslaved forever! The time is right, because all of the humans are more interested in their own matters.”
When asked about when they would strike, she hesitated. “That is private information. We kind of trust you, but you are human. You were born evil.”
Many guinea pigs around the world were inspired by Ginger’s inspirational words. Tune in later to find more news at Guinea Pigs News.
– Reported by journalist William Liu
