Recently, guinea pig scientists have found that an abnormally large asteroid has been heading towards the earth at the extremely fast speed of 16 kilometers per second. Many people were shocked and panicked, although some accepted their fate. However, the “imminent apocalypse” was simply a mistake. The meteorite was about human size and dissipated before even reaching the stratosphere. Human size compared to guinea pig size is of course big, but not as astronomically humongous as it was thought to be. In fact, the humans did realize that it was coming, but they didn’t care! It must be nice to be so big not to care about such things. According to Sally Stalk, it was “fake news”. She also decided to fire most of the meteorologists and astrologists in the department, which is typical of President Sally Stalk. More on Sally Stalk later. First, let’s look at the people’s reaction.
“Well, I guess it’s pretty nice. Finally got to listen to the new heavy metal music by Wheekalica.” Says the Gothic guinea pig who we interviewed previously.
“That’s radical, duuuude,” says a hipster Guinea Pig. “Living is soo tubular, you know?”
The angry mouse, who we also interviewed, was still not satisfied. “If I had exploded I would have been ascended! I want to speak to your manager!”
Well, the reactions are certainly… interesting. Speaking of interesting, let’s look at Sally Stalk. Many people are annoyed at Sally for being so rude and dismissive to her workers, and some people are even calling for impeachment. Can the next president save Guinea Pigtopia or will our beautiful country be destroyed? Find out more in the next article on Guinea Pigs news.
– reported by journalist Ginny Pigg, a guinea pig
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